the now of things

i am, at this very moment,
gathering myself for the send-off
and dealing with a paralyzing fear of failure.

in a skewed green room i simmered for hours last night
realizing shackleton's endurance
came from wrestling the expedition's rational failure
in order to be eternalized as a shifted sort of success.

i can only hope that this night will be different.
that i will close my eyes and slow my breathing
and sir ernest will bend to whisper in my dreamtime

i am understanding things daily.

impossibility allows excellence,
adversity allows affection,
capsizing leads to courage.

& so, we have predestined ourselves to fail, to fall,
to stand on ground that will shift beneath us
and force our thinking
into an expanse
one simply
cannot
be rescued
from.

fortitudime vincimus